Promises to Keep
by plaidshirtjimkirk
Summary: Kondo is shot right before war breaks out, and it's up to Hijikata to see to it that he recovers—even if that means sending him to Osaka. [Established Kondo/Hijikata]


Written for the "Nurse me" prompt sent by Anonzy.

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 **.*Promises to Keep*.**

 _Kat-chan._

Hijikata's voice was so soft that he barely even heard himself speak, let alone rouse the injured man he sat seiza beside. His lips parted to try again, but the name caught in his throat and his shoulders slumped in temporary defeat.

A moment. A moment was what he needed to collect himself, so he shut his eyes and let his head tilt, let one hand rise to support his cheek. Slender fingers spread out across his face, and like this, Hijikata exhaled a distraught, choppy breath.

Why? Why now, with war threatening to shatter the fragile veneer of peace in the capital? Why _at all_ , after Kondo had already been away for so long?

All the stars had aligned and Sakamoto was successful in his big move to forge an unlikely alliance between two sworn enemies. Satsuma, on its own, was weak from famine and incapable despite its stockpile of foreign-sourced weapons, while Choshu remained rich in nourishment but bereft of firepower to ignite political change in its favor. This balance had worked to the Bakufu's benefit for years.

But now…instead of simply keeping Choshu cornered and powerless, and forever dancing in tension with Satsuma politicians, a joint Satcho offensive was set to detonate against the Tokugawa regime. One provided the sustenance and the other the weapons: a genius move on Sakamoto's part to create this perfect storm of sweeping change. And while the newly-formed army was severely outnumbered by government troops, that there even _could be_ such an uprising spoke novels about the state of things in the country.

So, war was set to break, and Kondo… Hijikata's lashes slowly parted, his vision temporarily blurred from physical and emotional exhaustion. He focused on his commander as his sight cleared, a cocktail of misery and concern sending his stomach in the direction of his feet.

Kondo was going to miss out on everything.

" _Fukucho. He must receive experienced treatment immediately_ ," Yamazaki had reported earlier, a grave tone matching his somber demeanor. " _Unless, it is possible that he may never lift his arm again._ "

Hijikata's torment at this news was two-fold: both professional and personal. From a professional standpoint, the Shinsengumi needed their leader, now more than ever before. No one could take Kondo's place. No other could possibly embolden the men as well as he, or fill their hearts with hope and confidence. He was a pillar of strength and inspiration, and those were irreplaceable weapons for soldiers headed off to combat.

And as for the personal reasons…

Hijikata's hand slipped away from his face and reached out to touch Kondo's unscathed arm. His fingertips paused, hovering above the warmth of his skin before making feather-light contact.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. They were two Tama boys, seeking glory together—two Tama boys born into a peasant lifestyle, two Tama boys who had clawed and scraped and battled tooth and nail to smash through societal boundaries. They were two Tama boys, two _farmers_ , who were now recognized as _samurai_ in the eyes of the government.

They shared the same dream and that dream itself…it was ludicrous. Yet, together, they'd overcome unspeakable obstacles and made it happen, becoming samurai in spirit, in name, and—finally, that sweet, sweet victory—in status.

It was for that very reason alone why _Kondo_ should be the one to lead their troops into battle with his sword raised high, with Hijikata following in his footsteps as he always had, to protect and support.

But if Kondo could no longer lift his arm… If Kondo could no longer wield a blade… What was a samurai without his sword? It was like ripping the beating heart from a man's chest and telling him he was still a functioning human as he bled out.

Everything they strove for, everything they struggled to achieve…all of it would be rendered moot with Kondo losing the most symbolic piece of himself.

An agitated sigh left Hijikata and he closed his eyes again, tossing his face to the side, as if that could dismiss all the trouble and right all the wrongs. And maybe there _had_ been a glimmer of hope somewhere deep within himself, that when he reopened his eyes, he'd find that this had been just one massive, long-lasting nightmare.

Unfortunately, when they did open, what he saw was only a damp cloth draped over the edge of the basin: the sure confirmation that this was, indeed, reality. Deflated, Hijikata shimmied on his knees over to it.

Every responsibility fell to him now, and for Kondo's sake, he couldn't openly express his grief about any of it. Because if there was anyone in this world insane enough to go into battle suffering from an unhealed gunshot wound, it would be Kondo Isami—and he'd do it without a moment's worth of second thought if he knew how much Hijikata actually needed him.

The water had grown cold by now, Hijikata noted, as he rang the material out; the touch of it was sure to make Kondo stir. And then it was up to him to tell him the news.

He steeled himself as he returned to the edge of the futon. Gingerly, he dabbed at Kondo's brow, before placing the folded cloth on his forehead and then observed while his eyes squeezed together.

"Kat-chan…" Hijikata breathed, brushing fingers back through Kondo's hair.

A tiny groan escaped Kondo when his lashes fluttered. His gaze immediately found Hijikata and despite the amount of pain he was clearly in, he offered him the makings of a smile. "To…shi," he whispered.

"Hey…" Hijikata's lips twitched in kind. "It's just me now. Everyone else left so you could rest." He stroked through Kondo's hair again before withdrawing his touch. "I won't ask how you're feeling."

Kondo chuckled softly and his expression tightened from the pain it caused. "Feels like…I got shot," he grated out anyway, his voice deep from disuse. A beat, and then, "The men?"

"Worried," Hijikata replied with a nod, "but fine, otherwise."

With a small shake of his head, Kondo huffed. "They shouldn't." Then, his hand lifted. With his elbow remaining against the futon, he stretched his fingers outward to invite Hijikata to take it; they curled in once encompassed between a pair of hands much more slender than his own. "And you?"

Hijikata swallowed and nodded again, his own digits beginning to massage the ones they held. "Fine."

"You don't look it…"

Of _course_ , Kondo would start reading him the literal moment his eyes opened. For the sake of sticking to his plan and not raising any red alerts, Hijikata ignored that very accurate observation of his person. "Kat-chan, listen to me." He gave a tap to Kondo's hand. "Are you listening?"

"I learned my lesson about that—" An uneven exhale. "—a long time ago, Toshi."

Hijikata might have been amused at such a reply if it were any other given time. Instead, for now, all he could do was relay the seriousness of the situation. "I'm having you taken to Osaka Castle for treatment in the morning."

The softness in Kondo's features immediately vanished, but as his mouth opened and his body tensed, Hijikata pressed on. "Matsumoto-sensei is there now. He's going to help you."

"What? No."

"Yamazaki said—"

The words were stolen right from his mouth as Kondo gritted his teeth and began to make the move to sit up, an anguished grunt complementing the effort. "I'm not going _anywhere_ ," he grated as Hijikata's hands immediately released his and applied pressure to the good shoulder to still his efforts.

"Kat-chan, wait. _Listen_ to me."

"No. Toshi, there is no way in hell I'm abandoning you now."

Hijikata scoffed, annoyance finding its way into his tone. " _Abandoning_?! For God's sake, you're—"

"I can't leave you or the troops. Not while—"

"While what?! While you can't even move?!"

"—Satcho is…agh! On the, on the cusp of—"

" _Taku_! _Why_ are you—"

While they continued speaking at the same time, Kondo stubbornly attempted to sit again. "—attacking and the Bakufu, the Bakufu is—" He winced and groaned loudly from the pain his movements were provoking.

And that was what set Hijikata right off: that _sound_ and seeing Kondo causing himself unnecessary anguish. This had been _exactly_ what he'd wanted to avoid. His teeth bared and pupils shrunk when his eyes went wide.

"Would you fucking _stop_?!" Hijikata snapped, losing control over the volume of his voice and shoving on Kondo's good shoulder again to pin him against the futon. "Just stop!"

Thudding against the bed, Kondo exclaimed, "How do you expect me to just leave?!"

"Because the bullet pierced a critical place in your chest and you may never pick up a sword again!" This got Kondo's attention and Hijikata huffed. " _That's_ what I've been trying to tell you, but you don't let me God damn finish."

Kondo's mouth opened as if he'd retort, but it immediately closed. Their gazes remained locked and tense, until Kondo turned his face back toward the ceiling and licked his lips. After a moment, he simply offered a strained, "I'm sorry."

Though anger still colored his tone, Hijikata heard sincerity in it and he could do nothing but sigh openly—not at Kondo this time, but himself. Frustration consumed him, on top of everything else, because here he'd tried to disclose information in a calm manner that would rightly disturb _anyone_ , and utterly failed to do so.

His delivery should have been smarter and the news presented in a more logical sequence. Hijikata simply shook his head, recognizing that if their positions were switched here, his reaction would be exactly the same.

"Don't be," he said, his voice easing up but still rougher than he'd intended. Looking off to the side, Hijikata blindly found Kondo's hand once more.

"It's that bad," Kondo stated instead of questioned.

"It is." Hijikata's fingers flexed and held a little tighter. "Yamazaki did what he could, but you need an experienced doctor. Even then…" He trailed off, leaving the worst case scenario unspoken. His lashes fell and his chest deflated.

"…Toshi."

The anger was gone from Kondo, but it still took a moment for Hijikata to react, to get his emotions under control so he could face him again.

"Ne…Toshi."

When he felt Kondo's grasp tightening on him, he finally met his eyes and for some time, they just looked at each other—studied and communicated in a non-verbal manner. Apologies and regret, concern and apprehension…Kondo displayed all his feelings as openly as Hijikata knew he wore his own.

At last, the silence was broken. "Kat-chan…" Hijikata's tongue poked out to wet his lips. "Let me be clear about something." Kondo's chin dipped in a nod. "I _want_ you to be here. I _don't_ want you holed up in Osaka while the fighting breaks out—while we're—" There was no need to specify the details, so Hijikata simply raised his shoulders to dismiss that last thought. "…But not at _this_ cost." His eyes flicked to the offending arm, resting immobile at Kondo's side. "Not at the cost of _you_ in the long term."

Kondo swallowed and set his mouth in a line.

"I can't take your place. No one can," Hijikata continued, "But I'm prepared to lead the troops in your absence."

After taking a shaky inhale, Kondo merely closed his eyes.

"I need you to be okay. Everyone does. And the only way there's a remote possibility of that happening is for you to recuperate. You can't do that here. Especially not if we go into battle." Hijikata gave a tug on Kondo's hand. "Okay?"

"Toshi…" Kondo's lashes fluttered open and he stared back to the ceiling. "I have complete confidence in you. _Complete_."

"I know that—"

"But I need something more than that." He looked to Hijikata then, with sincerity and determination in his eyes. "I need you to promise me something."

Hijikata fell quiet, remaining still as Kondo sized him up, read him, and finally said, "Promise me that you'll live."

Hijikata's brow twitched. What…? …How could someone heading into a war _possibly_ make such a guarantee? How could he possibly agree to that, promise something that he couldn't make good on?

Once again, however, Hijikata's thoughts were stopped by putting himself in Kondo's shoes—as honeyed eyes pleaded with him in silence. And just as before, he found that he certainly would have made the same demand if the situation were reversed.

In fact, that's what he was already doing now—ensuring the preservation of the man he loved. It wasn't so far-fetched that Kondo would want the same.

So, his lips pursed and he nodded several times before he relented. "I promise."

Kondo visibly exhaled and then pulled Hijikata's hand toward his mouth. He pressed a kiss to it—long and gentle, before drawing it to his heart and holding it there. "What a mess…"

"It is."

"Toshi." Kondo's focus was elsewhere again. "You said tomorrow morning?"

"Mm."

"Well." He freed his hand and held it out toward Hijikata—an invitation. "Since I won't be around for awhile…"

Once more, Hijikata gave in without protest.

He lowered himself to the futon and carefully lay at Kondo's side, allowing that arm to close in on him and hold him tightly.

"I'm going to take care of everything, Kat-chan." Hijikata didn't believe his own words, but he said them anyway. "Everything is going to be okay."

And he knew that Kondo was just as unsure when he replied, "I know, Toshi." His hand stroked his side, and he repeated, "I know."

The future was unpredictable and there was so much more to say. But this moment…it was all that mattered to either of them because it would be much too long before they could share in this closeness again.

Hijikata's lashes fell and his palm pressed gently to Kondo's abdomen.

A promise had been made, and it was a promise that he'd have to keep…some how, some way.

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Thank you for reading!


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